Welcome to the first edition of The Pirata Post and the new home of the El Pirata Memorial Bowl. The league now has standings, a Trade Wire, a champions’ gallery, and a punishment wall. We finally gave our questionable decisions a proper archive.
This is where the weekly recaps, league news, and receipts will live. The Press Room below is your chance to answer for your team: hit Submit Press, enter your owner code, and face the questions. Winning owners may address the media. Losing owners may consult their publicist.
Week 3: the receipts
The Rising of Champs155.22–73.84over Pukamon
Stop the fight.
An 81.38-point demolition, the week’s highest score, and a 3–0 record. The Rising of Champs exceeded its projection by 28.32. Pukamon had B. Nix’s 25.14 and still got doubled up. At that point, the rest of the lineup owes the quarterback an apology.
Deportivo Galanz107.54–105.60over Shadynasty’s
1.94 points. Several stages of grief.
Galanz escaped with its perfect record intact. Shadynasty’s got 41.40 from J. Gibbs, posted the highest score of any losing team, and still fell to 0–3. Some people lose sleep over fantasy. This man already has experience spending an entire day at IHOP.
Poop Troupe135.46–88.86over Gold Cloaks
The throne needed plumbing.
Poop Troupe rolled to 3–0 with a 46.60-point win. Gold Cloaks dropped a second straight game and sits at 1–2. The gold still shines; the record could use a polish. For now, Poop Troupe’s only running is up the standings.
Shough that tiger dick148.70–87.92over La Jirafa
Tall order. Short afternoon.
AlexR210 stayed unbeaten with a 60.78-point statement and B. Bowers contributing 27.60. The league leader now has 436.70 points through three weeks. La Jirafa is 1–2 and learning that having the best view does not mean you’ll like what you see.
Waddleburgers108.28–91.58over Father of 4
Would you like an L with that?
Waddleburgers served up a second straight win to reach 2–1. Father of 4 fell to 1–2 after a 16.70-point defeat. Four kids and now a fantasy team asking for more attention. Tough household to manage.
You’ve got a Darty mouth95.84–80.44over Average Joes
A win is a win. Don’t check the receipt.
Darty grabbed its first victory with the lowest winning score of the week. No style points, no problem. Average Joes remains 0–3, and “Average” is starting to sound more like a preseason goal than a team name.
Big Baller Brand101.44–70.64over Los Chiludos
The commissioner survives his own decisions.
BBB improved to 2–1 despite Sleeper handing BBB001 its Worst Manager award. Los Chiludos finished with the week’s lowest score and slipped to 0–3. Losing by 30.80 to a guy actively being roasted by the app is a special kind of Sunday.
The clipboard awards
Actual lineup management: Galanz earned Sleeper’s Best Manager award, getting 107.54 out of a possible 115.18—about 93.4%. With a 1.94-point margin, those decisions mattered.
Bench of the week: BBB left B. Purdy’s 31.28 and K. Sadiq’s 23.50 on the bench. Its optimal lineup was worth 144.28, a 42.84-point gap from the actual result. That is lineup potential, not two scores you can simply add to the total. Still: the commissioner assembled a very competitive spectator section.
Honorable mentions from the seats: J. Love’s 21.90 sat on AlexR210’s bench, and K. Raymond’s 21.00 sat on Runbabyrun13’s. Both owners won comfortably anyway. Some teams have depth; the 0–3 teams have a group chat and a dream.
Heading into Week 4
Shough, The Rising of Champs, Poop Troupe, and Galanz all sit at 3–0. At the other end, Shadynasty’s, Los Chiludos, and Average Joes are still looking for win number one. But Shadynasty’s has scored 340.98 this season—seventh-most in the league while sitting 12th. That record has a legitimate complaint department.
The media wants answers: can the unbeaten teams keep the speeches going? Can Shadynasty’s turn points into wins? Will BBB let the best players leave the bench? Your owner-specific questions are waiting in the Press Room.
The website is new. The grudges are not.
Welcome to The Pirata Post. Set your lineup, check the Trade Wire, and give us something worth printing.
